Full Moon Madness
Beware - this post will contain cynical snarky commentary and various scatalogical references!!! Oh where to begin - you know sometimes people really need a good slap. I've noticed in the last few days as the moon swells to its monthly fullness, ordinary folk begin to go feral. Being aware of the moon's movements, I take a step back and notice the subtle changes within myself and observe the ensuing strange behaviour of those around me. For instance last night, as I was walking my dog who kindly thought to take a dump right next to a major highway, and therefore I was clearly observed as the minion picking up her majesty's art as foecal matter. I'm a very responsible dog owner in that regard and there I was ready to spring into action, bag at the ready to remove the offensive item, and some yobbo driving past yells out the following abuse "Pick that sh*t up!". I was immediately flooded with rage and I had to prevent myself from thinking dark thoughts like "Later that evening, Mr Abuser while swilling a beer and a pork pie choked on pig trotter gristle, his morbidly obese wife too large to hoist herself off the couch to effect any rescue watched as he gurgled away incoherently"....Hmmm so yes the full moon was getting to me too so I tried to channel positive thoughts....
And so this morning I was taking my dog for a walk on the beach and a lady was sitting on a rock nearby and the conversation went something like this:
Foot-in-mouth Lady: "Hello puppy, you're a strange looking dog"
Cue my dog to go up and say hello - already I am not impressed by her inferences that PJ is of a 'strange' genetic breed.
Foot-in-mouth Lady: "Ooh get away, I don't like dogs"
Me: "Well if you don't like them, don't talk to them!"
Funnily enough the non-dog liker was at the beach with her two dogs.....And so my dog started playing with her dogs and another one, and of course in the midst of that excitement PJ decided to do what she does best which was another dump which prompted this response:
Foot-in-mouth Lady: "Ooh yuck, dog poo!!"
By this stage I'm wondering if this woman is demented - does she think her dogs are cats or one of many other god's creatures, and that strange stuff that emanates from their bottom is some kind of attempt at conversation????!!!!! To which I responded drily: -
Me: "That's what they do".
Felt like flinging the dog bag in her face but I walked away wondering what it was that made people so unlikeable. Perhaps I am just a misanthrope but I cannot tolerate rudeness, ignorance, condescension, stupidity, disrespect and general meanness and pettiness. So if someone around you is going hard for the the biggest jerk award, look up to the sky and remember that maybe, just maybe, the lunar goddess is messing with their inner tidal fluids.
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Very funny post. It reminds me of the time I drove by a rider-less motorcycle in the far-left lane on Lake Shore Drive (an eight-lane "highway" that, yes, runs along Lake Michigan). I was afraid someone might hit it, so I pulled my car over on the grass, got out, and tried to move it. Ever tried to pick up a motorcycle on its side? I could barely budge it. Although I did eventually move it, I didn't accomplish my task before being yelled at by a few drivers, some of them extremely rude.
I'm sorry, but I've got to tell one more. This time it's just about stupid people. After about 9pm, it's really hard to find a parking space in our neighborhood. We will drive around for twenty minutes some nights before finding one. One night very late, we were looking for a space and drove by one being "claimed" by an SUV. The vehicle was literally about 25 feet in front of the space, but it seemed obvious they were going to take the space. We drove around the block and passed the SUV again. It hadn't budged. Who was in it, but a stupid woman on her stupid cell phone. I muttered, "Screw it," did a quick U-turn, and took the spot. She didn't even notice until we were getting out of our car. I could tell she was mad, but there was nothing she could do, and she sped off.
Moral of both stories: Yes, people can be rude and stupid, but they give the rest of us all sorts of opportunities to take advantage of them! (I wonder what crazy dog-hater lady would have said if you replied to her "strange" comment, "My dog thinks you're strange looking"? I live for such opportunities!)
OMG! And I thought people over here were senseless. I feel bad for you, just out minding your business and walking your dog. I like how you speak back though. I'm glad you don't put up with nonsense.
I think you have a fine looking dog. I think there are people though who just don't appreciate animals or much anything else. If animals could speak, oh the things they'd say!